Euphine Mabunda:The 4 Things That Will Break Up Your Relationship

Euphine Hleketa Mabunda 

These are all learned behaviors, so you can also learn new and improved habits that will strengthen your relationship rather than destroy it.

1. Accusation 

Simply put, one of the absolute kisses of death in a marriage is the tendency to assign blame or make accusations toward your partner — especially when you don’t know all the facts. It’s as fundamental as asking a question rather than making a statement or worse — an accusation. It’s about asking, “Honey, did you make a purchase I don’t know about?” rather than saying “The account is overdrawn again. What did you buy this time?”

If you want to have a quality, loving relationship, learn to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and always assume the best, rather than the worst. When you’re a graceful person who treats others fairly and respectfully, even when they occasionally make a mistake, it creates a desire in them to be even better and to justify your faith. People will often rise or fall to the exact level of your expectations, so it’s a great idea to check in on these if you see a problem arising

2. Escalation. 

Human emotions under pressure tend to do one of two things: They either spiral upward or they spiral downward. In that way, this habit is somewhat closely aligned with blaming behaviors. Someone who habitually escalates a disagreement is more interested in deflecting and defending their own position and assigning blame to another party. This often creates a “dueling defensiveness” that is not only wholly unproductive … it’s absolutely destructive.

One fundamental question is potent enough to remove a great deal of the destructive power this energy harnesses. That question is simply this: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in love?” Always move in the direction of understanding first, and then move toward resolution. This will create the spiraling downward effect that I already mentioned.

3. Invalidation. 

This habit — like the others — simply reinforces a win-lose dynamic that, as I’ve said earlier, will eventually end up in one final loss 90 percent of the time. When you invalidate your partner, it’s all about discrediting them or weakening them in some way. Oftentimes, this is done by objectifying someone or taking away their “human” characteristics and instead focusing on negative aspects, assumptions, and prejudices. This can be cruelly effective in the short term and possibly even destroy someone’s self-esteem for a period of time. However, be warned, sometimes when the tables get turned, it happens hard and fast. A bully may win their share of battles, but it’s very unsettling when they lose the war very, very suddenly when their partner can’t take it anymore